♥Wednesday, October 29, 2008

我想念以前的那你。
我想念以前陪着我睡觉的你。
我想念以前会哄我，会逗我开心的你...

♥Tuesday, October 28, 2008

flea market on last saturdae wasnt a success. damn failure. onli manage to earn 50bucks not deducting the rental & transport. damn. took a cab there but was abit late. i think i was the last few to set up the stall. and worst is my stall is right at the far end corner. where im block by almost everione. i tink it is bcos i onli made the payment at the last min as im not able to go down and asked alfred to make the payment for me. damn hot that dae! was praying it wun rain. it didnt. but it's damn hot. and now ive 2 colours on my arm. right arm onli somemore. because the sun is shining from the right side and my left side is still under the shade =x

have been swinging my mood for the past 2 weeks or so. ke lian de hubby keep kanna torture by me. being mentally torture by my behaviour and nonesenses. i dun realli remember how mani times we quarrel. and for myself. on the verge of giving up everiting. sometimes i reali feel like jus jumping down or swollowing everiting down and jus leave everiting there. sigh. i guess this is life huh.

nw everiting between me and hubby is getting better and hopefully for good. i realli dun wan to go thru all this animore. i know hubby love me. but, it's hard. i can try to forgive, but not forget. how to forget? im getting old. my body aint tat gd animore. there's a few problem. but shall we look into it? or isit jus me being too sensitive over everi lil ting? im onli remembering tings tat happen 1-2 yrs ago. and for now, it's all short term memory. jus like those ppl who have lao ren chi da like tat. dey cannt remember ppl from recent, but ppl from long long ago.

i realli realli love my hubby and dun wish to lose him. but im out of control sometimes and alwaes pushing him awae. i wan to try. to try to control myself. i dun wan to lose control myself ever again and causes me to regret in the future. i waited for him for more then 10hrs at his void deck with just 1 bottle of drink and no food. no anger, jus staring at the main entrance seeing whether he's back. im constantly laughin and smiling. bcos i dun wanna cry. ive enuff of crying. for the past 2 weeks or so. my eyes is going to spoil liaos lar. idiot me.

♥Monday, October 20, 2008

im going crazy soon. sigh. wad the fcuk is happening to me. im like driving awae everibodi around me. i cant tink of ani gd times, gd memories or happy staff. i jus cant get aniting into my brain. i feel empty at the end of the dae, tinkin back wad realli happen, i jus cant get aniting in. im bcoming veri forgetful and being a pest. im making tings hard for everibodi.

realli realli wish to jus go MIA for awhile. i cannt imgaine wad would happen when my mum is gone. tink i will realli go MIA. now wadever im doing - smiling, b a good girl, go to work - is all cos of her. bcos i dun wan her to worriew. i realli wish to take a break. a break from everiting. can somebodi jus bring me go awae for awhile?

♥Sunday, October 19, 2008

im venting my anger and frustration on hubby and tings doesn seems to gd between us.
guess he's rather tired to alwaes being shout at for small lil tings he sae or do.
sorriew hubby, i dun realli mean it. im jus tired. tired of everiting and i hope u will understand.
mayb sometimes u dun realli mean it the wae u sae it but im jus being ultra sensitive now.
hence i will think that he dun understand me
sorriew hubby. forgive me hao mar? i will try to overcome all the problems ive.

i know u meant well when u sae certain tings. like why i mus b the onli 1 to do all tis
tat ive to do all that from nw onwards etc. i know u are afraid tat i will lose my freedom
i will not b happi and being taken advantage of by my own family
i know it hurts u to see me getting angry and sad. but u mus know, ive to do my part as a daughter ok?

muacks muacks u. forgive me ok? :D ugh neh neh =p

♥Tuesday, October 14, 2008

totally drained out. hais. been rushing here and there after work for the past week. and now im being drained out. mentally i can take no more nonesense. im glad hubby is understanding enuff. he's here to listen to my stupid nonesense and take it and advise.

friendship is fragile. handle wif care. but seems like i overcare? overcare that all the unhappiness built inside me just explode when small lil ting happen. over then it's over. no point crying over spilled milk.

i jus need sometime to cool down, dun tink abt family or frenship. as long as i dun tink, i wun cry. at least not cry. but i know i will still b stress. tml will be a break for me. to take a break from the visit and stae home and finally rest.

ppl thought im a super woman? everidae go visit liaos go home wad time? then still need to do household chores. and tat fcukin idiot woman who is damn selfish to onli wash her own clothes and ive to wash everibodi's one? and when i dun go visit she will sae this and tat. then wad abt her? so wad if she go visit everidae? 10-15mins also counted? her workplace go down faster lehs. does she even know how long does i take for me to travel down from office? never do ting another woman will sae me. nw i even haf to watch wad i sae so i dun make her worriew. fcuk. wad am i? dog? u all ask me to do household chores i do. ask me to buy dinner for her, i buy. never buy look for u all, come find me again ask why i never buy. IM ONLY 20! I NEED MY OWN LIFE. IM JUS STARTING TO ENJOY LIFE WHY YOU ALL MUS DO THIS TO ME? I WAN MY FREEDOM ALSO LEH. NOT AS IF I DUN EVEN BOTHER ABT HER. IS YOU ALL DUN BOTHER ABT HER AND TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. fcuk. i hate my life.

MIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIAMIA in process. hahahahahas.

♥Monday, October 6, 2008

i bought 2 chanel lip gloss. damn happi lar. hees. 1 is hubby like de. 1 is i like de =p

lately i keep feeling veri tired an restless. im bored wif work and i wan to go out and enjoy myself. i wan freedom, to sleep late, to go out late. but still, i wan to haf money to go shopping! damn. i should jus kill myself. how can i haf such thoughts? i shouldnt! =x

wednesdae going to winnie's house for manny's birthdae! damn happi to see manny. i dun realli remember when is the last time i plae wif a baby or toddler. think i now keep myself awae from kids thou i love them. can i haf 1 of my own hubby? *winkwink* jus kiddin lar

i know now is still nt the time. mayb a few more yrs? i believe we will haf a happi happi family. when i see samantha, i suddenly feel myself being veri xinfu. it's not that im laughin at her. i acutalli feel like killing myself. yes, i know hubby meant well bcos he know tat even if i go down she also may not listen. but well, wad can i do? she's a small lil girl who get bullied so easily, how can i dun help her? and yes, she's nt listenin to me and patch back wif her bf. but der's nothin i can do isnt it? alreadi tell u last time liaos ok? so my wu neh neh dun angry angry lar. i love love u mar. u also love love me mar. love love then cannot angry angry wor.

both of us will xinfu de. im waitin for the dae when we reali bcom husband and wife. maybe it will b jus aftre ur bdae. mayb longer, but no matter wad. im alwaes here waitin for u. like i tell u bfore, my heart is alreadi yours. ive given my heart to you. i wun fall for another person. i wun b wif another person. cos my heart & soul is entirely yours. if i leave u, im no difference from a zombie. understand mar? my love. muacks.

♥Thursday, October 2, 2008

happi 25th monthsary hubby! my ben ben de hubby. my wu neh neh. im ur wu na na =p
happi 20th birthdae my zhuzhu. finally 20yr old liaos wor. cannt naughty naughty liaos huh.

didnt went to work yesterdae bcos wake up feel giddy giddy. lately keep feel giddy and headache. somemore feel so tired so go back and sleep. wake up around 11 then do my stuff till abt 1pm then wake hubby up bcos need to go eat lunch and buy food for my mama. come back liaos my turn to sleep =p sleep till 4plus. then abit bad tempered bcos my head pain again. he drop me off at yew tee while he go to cck help me to do postage.

clinic all not open so take mrt to cck and meet hubby at wallet shop bcos hubby sae he saw a card holder that he like and i also need a card holder bcos too many name cards and cards. so end up bought 3 card holderbcos hubby too greddy and wanted somemore. hahas. then nua and plae psp outside lot1 and den went back to his house go see doc. doc sae got low blood pressure. ask hubby why low blood he tell me not enuff sugar. mus eat more sugar. lame lame.

then went eat at bukit batok bcos later got rte at 9pm so after eating then sit there nua and plae psp again. hubby kanna addicted to his GTA and me nothing to do so i plae harvest moon. times up so i go to bbdc and take my test. finally i pass liaos! wahahhas. 4th try. hubby tat time scold me stupid. bcos i go practise and can see ans i never see. end up keep guessing for the past 3 rte not knowing which is right and wrong. so i clever tuesdae go for my practise then i know liaos. hees.

went east coast after tat. supposed to be romantic but.. both of us are plaeing psp. wahahhas. bcos he too addicted liaos. so both of us look so idiot sitting at the bbq pit plaeing psp and smoking. sian sian. then finally wait till 12midnight message zhu happi birthdae and tell him happi monthsary. he sae i plae cheat bcos i see him keep lookin his phone. so i take awae and wish him monthsary first bcos he cannt see the time =p im so smart.

went to boozer and got abit angry bcos tat ben ben didnt look at the time and didnt realise tat it's 2am liaos. bcos i angry when i get on his bike dun wan hold him, end up i slipped and knock my leg against the food rest. immediately the blue black appear. damn sad. nw walk also damn pain. :( my wu neh neh never sayang my feet.