♥Sunday, November 30, 2008

fri after work end jiu went down to bugis to kinokuniya. bought 2 more books. nua awhile and then head down to city hall around 830pm to meet zhu at aldephi. was early as she only finish work around 930pm so slack around and read my book at city hall area. after meetin her go back bugis for steamboat. feel damn full before we went but when reached i jus can eat! wahahhaa.

we only went for 1 round bcos after the 1 round we feel damn full and some of the stuff we cant even finished. but at least we eat wad we wanted so not considered waste of money and food. we didnt waste much food also lor. except for a few mushrooms and hotdog. hees.

went home and found out someting is wrong wif me. damn afraid someting will happen. next dae wake up still the same. SMS zhu and she ask me to go and see doc. alreadi expect tat it will be exp. but never expect it to be so damn expensive! went down to amk to see the doctor. zhu sae the doc not bad. so went there. she is damn straight forward and told me that ive some infection and i need to take 2 injections straight awae. asked where the injection will b she sae buttok! scare later cannot sit -.-

in the end the injection is somewhere abit below the waist and near the side, not realli at buttok. she told me that ppl told her when she's doing the injection it's not painful. i agree. it's alwaes the after effect which is damn painful. imagine 2 sides being injected, bcos she sae 1 is water, 1 is oil, cannot mix tog. so 2 different side. and nw, i cannt lie on my side when i sleep. if i wan to, ive to lean forward, not relying on the bums. damn painful =x

total bill? i expect maybe $200+ to $300. but when i made the payment the staff told me $485. i was shocked, but guess i didnt show it out. walk all the wae with the pain to jubilee to withdraw more money as i only had $200 with me. heartpain. $500 lehs! my wisdoom tooth also not so much if do at JMC :( treat it as i save part of me back. so nw, ive to guai guai and take care of myself. else aniting happen, i will be even sadder.

todae went to mama there and pray. dreamt of her yesterday. certain tings seems so clear. and for sure, it's the 1st time in duno how long time that i still remember so much things about a dream. she must have visited me. she still loook that tired and fragile in her dream. mummy, if u have the chance to reborn, go ahead. dun worriew abt us animore..

♥Wednesday, November 26, 2008

i saw the LG KF350 selling at post office! cannot cannot. i onli like the colour, like the appearance. tat's all. i shouldnt buy it bcos it's not useful. tempted tempted.

♥Monday, November 24, 2008

took leave yesterdae as i wanted to go to his court. it was his sentencing court. but he mention that he didnt wan to see me there. i wanted to go very much. to know his sentence. but i fear seeing him, seeing his family. kept tinking whether i should go. and if i dun go, will i know his sentence? how will i know his sentence? tink abt that and onli fall asleep at 2am+. i even put hope on the sub court webbie as i saw that they input the trial list. but it was not updated since last week. damn angry with their working speed.

woke up earli in the morning by his call. he mention that he have left some disc in my lappie, which he returned to me on sundae. was kinda pissed bcos i look at the time and it was onli 630am and i onli sleep 2+am the night before. and i shouted at him and he just shut up and say byebye. felt guilty and sms him saeing tat he can come and collect from me. his repli was slow and by the time i full wake up, 10+am, he still didnt repli much and he sae he would like to see me the last time. told him he can come over around 1130 to meet for awhile but he mention that he will pick me up while he go settle his stuff. find it a waste of my time and lazy to go out so tell him since it's like tat den dun need to meet.

his court is in the afternoon and i took nap again as im feeling damn tired everidae. woke up around 2pm and send him a sms to ask him to take care and went back to nap. when i woke up, nua in front of computer again while he sms me saeing that he will be in remand for the next 3 weeks while the prosecutor and his lawyer ask for his probation and qrp report. saying that i can called up the remand to check how i can write to him. i feel like writing, but i duno wad to write. sigh.

do some housework, shower and left for bugis. went to kinokuniya. im damn broke but kept on buying books. yesterday spent another 50bucks on 2 books. went home after that and met kenny for late dinner. by then im damn hungry liaos bcos he is late and he's late bcos he's sleeping at home! after dinner went home nua and sleep. damn tired. no matter how much sleep im getting, it doesn seems enuff

♥Sunday, November 23, 2008

went for driving lesson on saturdae and after tat meet zhu at aldephi. was too earli to go down as my lesson finish at 5 while she finish work only at 8pm. rot awhile at bb then took train down to city hall. 1.5hrs earli but decide i can walk around and then by the time im done, she will be ready. went to mph and bought 2 books after browsing thru for 30-45mins. paid and tried to walk somemore in the city link but nothing catches my interest. decide to go somewhere and sit down to read my book.

when im walking towards aldephi, zhu message me saeing tat 1 of her customer is late for the appt and she dun tink she will be able to finish work on time. so i sit outside aldephi and started to read my book. finally 8pm and she is still not done yet. feel uncomfortable sitting in that position so long so went toilet awhile and also go 3rd floor see her and the customer. finally 830pm she finish work and we went funan for our kfc :D

wanted to sign line to get free phone but staff damn idiot. bfore closing duno how to ask. then when we stand inside the shop and decide liaos she tell me the are close. idiot. then waited for alfred and cindy to come and meet us. went east coast nua and see baby. minmin is getting bigger and prettier and emma is damn cute. onli 3 months old and she's veri chubby!

went home around 2pm and by the time i reach home im so tired, jus went to sleep. sundae morning 9 plus jiu wake up bcos goin to visit my mum. after tat went to west mall and i wan to sign the line. but there de ppl all damn rude. u 'excuse me' how many times, they either look up at u then do their ting or dun even care. after standing for 10mins then i realise tat in front of a customer, there's actualli a q no. system where u haf to take a q no. and the paper in front even put 'pls be polite and take a q no.' they are the one being rude ok!

left upon seeing and dey drop me at lot1 to see whether go phone not but dey too small shop, haf limited phone. so left and go home rest. zhu's off dae so meet her at 430pm amk. went walk walk. eat liaos then jiu go find phone and it is raining heavily. finaly decide on N78 where i haf to top up anthe 48bucks. nua awhile more wif zhu and pei her go terence house and cab down to holland to do someting. kanna dua then took bus home from there.

the uncle damn nice! didnt know my ez link no money and worst, i onli have 10bucks note. and i ask him got change? he sae dun haf. then i ask him how? can drop me next stop? he sae nevermind. ask me go sit. damn nice!! so i took bus to bb and change to train to go home :)

todae nua at home. damn shag.

♥

im damn tired this few daes. have been reaching home rather late. guess my body will start to shut down itself around 11pm and i will start getting more and more tired. sometimes even feel dizzy.

went for my car lesson yesterdae and everiting was smooth. then rot around trying to delay my time as meeting zhu at 8pm at adelphi, her work place. but damn earli to go down. so i waited and buy newspaper read. 45mins pass and im alreadi damn bored. look at the time and decide if i go down now, i would be earli sae abt 1hr, walk around and would b jus nice. who knows miscalculate and reach there around 630pm. have 1.5hrs more to rot. called zhu and told her the bad news tat ive reached so earli. went mph to browse around looking for books. spent abt 30mins inside and bought 2 books. then zhu message me around 7 teling me tat 1 of her customer delay the appt by coming in 1hr late and dun tink she will b able to leave at 8pm.

rot and walk around and find it too tiring so decid to

♥Friday, November 21, 2008

meet up with qi, winnie and esther yesterday. unitians. LOL. didnt know esther till she join us yesterday and previously she is also from call centre. i reached first and q up for new york new york while waiting for qi and winnie. new york new york haf too many 2 seaters space so we waited for a long time before it is our turn to sit down. by the time we got a place, it's onli 15mins to winnie's arrival as she's from town area. image when i start q-ing she jus left her office. so we waited about 45mins for 1 space -.-

me and qi decide to place order first. as their portion is big, decide we could just share. so ordered a meat platter for 2 and it is so damn big. 4 of us cant even finish. did alot of catch up and i realli like that feeling :) talk till around 11pm and then left to go home.

went to JE to collect my eclair also! shared with qi and winnie. qi took 2 and me and winnie took 5 each. happy happy~ i have been wanting to eat eclair since i last eat it at winnie's grandma's house but the BP's collection is always damn far.

am selling awae both my phones and gonna sign up contract for a free phone and also buy my favourite LG phone. LOL. i dun care lar. at least after selling the 2 phone and buying that 1 phone, i still got some money left. few 10bucks and at least i love my phone! and from nw onwards, have to save and save. everi month save min 250 isnt too hard bahs? i calculated, ive abt 500 spare after deducting transport, allowance and my bills. why didnt i manage to save in the past? and nw im actualli rushing to save money. stupid me.

♥Thursday, November 20, 2008

have confirm my fear. why isit alwaes like this, when i decide to walk out, this have to happen? why cant i just walk out and just dump everiting behind me?

everibodi wan the best for me. how abt me? what i wan is the same as wad i wan 1yr plus ago. but the confidence, the belief that i used to have is no longer there. i started feel frightened to go thru tat. why mus i alwaes go thru it alone? why am i alwaes alone when this happen? sigh. i know i still haf my frens, but dey aint realli gonna walk bside me and hold me when i fall.

im confused. i know i shouldnt and should faster make up my mind on wad i wan. on wad should b done. on how can it be solved. but i cant tink straight. all i can do is whine and whine. damn, i seem so usless.

♥

my hearing is getting worst and i hate it!
my fried rice is a failure!!! arghss!!!

♥Wednesday, November 19, 2008

specially to zhu:

dun worriew about me hao mar? whatever happen isnt anibodi's fault but mine. hence im not blaming anione. how mani times haf all those who care abt me to leave him? i choose not to. i chose to be stubborn and believe in my heart. my brain is blinded by the love ive for him. im not trying to be strong. it's jus tat im numb now. tat's why i tell u, no feel. LOL. u should get wad i mean right =p

ive no love inside me, no hatred. now i onli fear. ive this fear inside me that i cant get rid of. but i know that i will be fine. wadever im going to walk thru, u haf walk thru it and is happily living now isnt it? dun worriew, if i ever need a shoulder to cry on, need someone to lean on, i will still go find u.

dun ever sae u are useless. if like tat everibodi also useless wor. the pain ive to go thru myself. i choose this path, hence ive to bear everiting on myself. nobodi is allowed to share the pain. i know it pain all of u to see me this wae, but no worries, im realli fine. at least for now.

u guai guai zhao gu urself i alreadi veri happi liaos. dun anihow anihow. when i see 'him' in abt 8 months time i would feel veri xinfu for u also! :)

jiayou wor. me also will jiayou de

♥

at work and blogging in the earli hours of the morning 0.o ever since i came back to work, everyday ive this 'today is friday!' feeling. no calls, nothing to do. but when there's a problemtic call i would curse and swear. LOL. i forgot who told me that also leh. say i always complain when alot of call. no call complain no call. but it's damn big difference! ever since HFL line started, where a few of us are placed in the pority, our main call is getting lesser and lesser. maybe 1 day the highest is 130, ours is around 60s, 70s. damn big difference.

yesterday dua 2 person. LOL. i didnt mean it but too forgetful lar. banana called me and physco me to go down find him because he long time no see me and wan treat me eat. so i say ok ok, finish work call u then see how lar. dun realli wan go down bcos at sim lim and i need to b home by 10pm to be guai girl girl. end up finish work, no briefing, immediately and automatically take bus go back cck and back to my house. reach home and cook mushroom soup halfwae then banana call and tat's only when i remembered. LOL.

tried calling him back, but i tink his phone abit stupid leh. always cannot call back after having his miss call. but if no miss call i anyhow call, will call thru. idiot phone. so keep like that lor. then after that kenny sae meet for dinner at 930. i also sae ok. end up i sleep from 6 plus onwards all the wae. in between got people call me i also ignore bcos i wan sleep! until around 930 then i wake up then realise i also put another person on aeroplane. hahahas.

if im not going out, my schedule for the day would be - wake up, work, come back, eat, sleep, around 10pm zhu will call, talk talk, online and sleep in the middle of the night. my panda eye getting worst. anybody can help me? :( damn bored wif my ife lehs. because have to be guai girl girl. and standard if 10pm im not home, they will call! tried that on monday. hahas. maybe tonight go sim lim find banana if that who who not meeting me. suan bian can go shopping at bugis. monday only bought 2 top lehs. cost me 34bucks.

my diner card is here! but bugis street no diner card for me to use because only cash payment. LOL. so have to save and save till next tuesday where i get my pay! hees. im thinking about the LG KF350 phone. my KG350 ice cream phone! they call it the ice cream phone, which i duno why. but im craving for it. LOL. machiam it is a food. it's slim and damn girly and sweet! i just wan it wan it. but it cost 338bucks! which means 100bucks over more is half of my pae liaos. should i, shouldnt i? guess need to toss coin when my pae comes in =p

PS: having guys friend doesn mean i flirt lehs. im guang ming zhen da. onli people who know girls but not guang ming zhen da is guilty. should know who im referring to =p

♥Tuesday, November 18, 2008

wanted to change my blog add. but guess if i do so kanna scream at by my ke ai de xiao zhu again. LOL. because she have been complaining im changing so much tat she cant remb. jus link in ur blog den simple right =p

changed blogskin, bcos there's no more point in my old skin.

we've broken up and it's getting worst and worst. his selfishness, his true colour. or mayb he have show that to me all along, but im too blind to see everiting. too stubborn to believe everiting and keep lying to myself. mayb his slap woke me up. i used to let my heart tell my brain that im jus tinkin too much of the material stuff. he do love me isnt it. but tis time round, his slap let my brain had a victory and hence now my brain have control over me. LOL. i tink im going abit crazy wif this story.

but aniwae, i just wish to that even after break up, everiting will still b okie. can still b fren. but i guess no more. im getting tired of his nonesense. everidae find different pattern. i find solution he jiu sae tis and tat. whatever. he jus wan everiting but not willing to give up aniting nor give in. so, for wad i do so much for him? no matter how much i do for him, no matter how much i give up for him, he wun appreciate. this 2yrs plus de stuff. all that i'd done. he jus told me, he cant trust me. joke. a big joke.

enuff of it liaos. no more. i jus need to be all by myself.

♥Sunday, November 16, 2008

ive lost 2 person that i care and love. my mum and him. it's time to forget. time to give up. not saying for others to know. i should tell my heart. give up on him.

♥Thursday, November 13, 2008

my mum passed away on monday morning. i didn't cry much except for some timing. we gotta be strong. thou we all miss her, thou we wan her back. but we all know this is the end to all her suffering. for more then 3yrs, she have been battling her sickness. she's strong. she know that she will never win. but she still tried hard to live longer. she took out alot of courage to go thru all this pain. going thru all the pain just so that she will be able to live longer. even if it meant only a day more.

mami, i know ive not been a good girl. always making u worry of me. i know im a stubborn child, never listening to you and makin u worry. when i know of your condition i feel so bad inside me. why do i always argue with you and quarrel with you. why do i always not listen to you. and making u angry and upset. i tried to be a fillial daughter. but i guess is still not able to make up for the past mistakes.

im sorriew mami. pls forgive me. did u see at ur wake, how mani people pray for you? dey all wan u to be happi. smile alwaes as u're free from all the pain. we will always remember u.

♥Wednesday, November 5, 2008

been feeling so tired but cannot sleep at night because of my stupid headache and end up sleeping at 1plus everyday. mum have been in hospice for about a week already and it is at novena. been going there everyday after work and reaching home around 9plus 10pm. i cant even remember when was the last time i met up with my friend. 2 weeks ago? her condition is getting so bad that she cant even flip herself on the bed. how long more to go? we're not sure.

with hubby's pending case and my mum's condition. how much time do i have with them? i feel that no matter how much time i have i just don't feel enough. not enough time to sleep, not enough to spend with my mum, not enuff time to spend with hubby. esp with hubby with so many problems there's even lesser time that we can spend together. monday is his court already.

damn. im feeling so empty. but yet, there's nothing that can be done to fill up that emptiness. im done with all the crying. done with all the nonesense. im back to normal. everyday i can do now is rush here and there.

P.S: for any of my cousins or relative that is reading this, pls do not say you want to visit my mum or call up my mum as she is not willing to let people know of her bad conditions. just let her have her wish bah.