i actualli took up the offer to meet the counsellors from the family service centre under mcys leh. LOL. i mus b out of my mind. aniwae, no harm bcos dey sae dey can help me. so i see how much dey can help me. gimmie subsides for diapers? NTUC vouchers? =p i wish. but duno lor. see how it goes. but they seems nice ppl and dun realli push u to ans wad dey wan to know. dey jus see wad u would like to sae.

i write a 2 full page long of letter to hubby! my 1st time writtin to him so long lor. wahahhas. and almost going to a page is abt money and his future stuff. almost all the stuff that hubby haf is i bought for him, or he also did chuck in money to get he stuff, but not much lar. but when we sort of 'break up' i didnt ask him back for aniting. bike, psp and 2 phones. i didnt ask bcos i feel tat ive given him. take back for wad? he wan do wad then do wad wif it lor. he wan sell and keep the money, i also lanlan. is i buy and willingly part wif the money for those stuffs. he didnt sell ani of the stuffs bcos he sae got memories. like for his bike, we both realli eat cup noodles. psp is bought as a couple when he's in tekong and my monthsary cum anniversary present to him. phones dun realli haf much memories lar. but aniwae, he jus didnt sell. however i feel he is stupid. should sell mar! put there and rust? 18months later u come out alreadi cannt use liaos lar.

so aniwae, 1 dae i receive his letter saein tat his bro ask him to sell his bike, bcos nw no use, next time come out liaos can still buy new 1. he sae he dun wan to sell bcos of our memories. but his bro sae de ting also is true, machiam i bullshit at that time alwaes dun wan to listen to wad i sae, other ppl sae to him then he happi one. so i tell him, they wan sell, can. everiting dey also can sell, but ASK THEM FOR THE MONEY or ask them to bank into ur acc. I PAY FOR IT LEH and ur family so money minded. can u imagine that when he is 17yo, he's gettin 10bucks per dae. and when i fork out money for his extra dollars, his mum told him 'den i dun need to gif u money liao. ur gf rich wad' and my tinkin is FCUK U. U ARE HIS MUM, IM HIS GF HOR NOT HIS MUM WHY SHOULD I DO WAD A MUM SHOULD DO? so after tat i know dey veri money minded onli care abt themselves. and then when my bf is caught and the bail is 15k, they jus tell my bf, no money bail u. when i call, dey sae jus find 5k cash the balance 10k jus declare can liaos. so i go around asking my frens for money to lend me for his bail. i found 5k finally. called his dad and sae i wan bail him, ask him gimmie passport. keep sae this sae tat sae dun wan bail him, scare he run awae. YOUR OWN SON U DUN TRUST? HE IS ONLI MY BF AND I TRUST HIM LEH. so i tell him 'u scare u gimmie his passport. i bail, dun need u bail' so he LL and sae okie lor, he come wif me to bail. then mayb is bcos he paiseh tat need to use GF money, so he sae 5k he haf. and when my bf sae wan to employ lawyer, his first reaction is 'U WAN EMPLOY U OWNSELF PAY HOR. WE WUN PAY FOR U' and so the journey starts again saving 2k for his lawyer fees.

so since, that is the way dey treated us and brought him up. and those tings are not bought by them but by me, I CHOOSE not to take back bcos is for him. but if they SELL and then keep the money for THEMSELVES and when my bf come out, haf to slog and save den can buy back all those stuffs that dey sell, wad is this?! i tell my bf, when u come out still need taggin. and still got 1.5yrs of NS to serve. u tink money so easi? i never expect him to pay for all me and baby's expenses after he come out. but at least, able to pay for his own meals, transport and allowance. and not askin us for money animore. i even tell him the future blah blah. i even tell him IF they say they duno how his acc no. or ma fan or wad, i dun mind MA FAN abit go down collect money from them and bank into his acc. i jus cant trust tat gambler mother. 1 dae i shall report police lor!

aniwae, many ppl keep tinkin why hor i keep tink so far far awae. reason being is, ive to plan bcos im not like somebody(not referring to any mummies tat i know thru blog, but someone whom i know personally in the past) who keep saeing tat she will gif her child the best and wan to compare me and her. but u know wad? dun ever compare me wif urself. it's a disgrace to be put on the same group as u bcos im not like u. i dun haf my mother to support me, unlike u. ive stop taking allowance from my family since i start working, unlike u. i pay every single stuff that im gonna spend for my baby myself, unlike u who still takes money from daddy. im able to tink further awae and tinkin of the worst scenorio, unlike u, who tinks tat everiting is gonna b perfect in ur life. i know my wrongs and change, i haf regrets and admit my regrets, unlike u who sae tat wun do aniting tat will regret in the whole life but did and when i aim on tat topic still wanna act like der's no wrong. and so, overall, IM NOT LIKE U - IMMATURE, THOUGHT THAT YOU'RE THE BEST, THOUGHT THAT MONEY IS EVERYTHING. i believe that true happiness occur even in poor. but u, sadly, tinks tat true happiness occur onli when u can buy stuff that ur child wan and not deprive ur child of wadever he/she wants bcos u are poor and cant afford.

baby is well behave and listen to mummy. something which im veri happi tat my child is so ting hua. previously after i complain that baby is kickin me from morning till night, the kicking stop. and for abt 2 days i dun feel much from baby. so worried that i shake my tummy, but still dun feel aniting. and slowly i realise tat baby is moving jus tat bcos baby is moving so gently, i feel nothing unless i realli sit down put my hand on my tummy and focus, then i can feel baby. everibodi in the office is treatin me veri well and taking veri gd care of me. most likely bcos im single, youngest and haf that innocent face. muahahahs. and todae when im alone, i touch tummy and tell baby 'u see, so mani ppl care abt mummy. u mus b smart like mummy. in front of ppl act guai, act innocent. behind anihow curse and swear dun let them knw. ppl will care and dote on u like how ppl care and dote on me! u can kick mummy, but dun kick so hard else mumy will pain pain. jus kick sometimes once in awhile to let mummy know u are well ok?' and ta-dah~ baby have been kicking everi few hrs. LOL. im loving baby to nuts.

have shortlist a few baby girl and boy names. boy i short list a few, but hor, i tink onli 1 is nice. for baby girl:

-ashlyn (which ive been tinkin abt it since 2nd or 3rd month)
-shanelle (pronouced almost the same as channel - sha neel)

for baby boy onli this:

-darius (proouced as day-ree-us)

shall confirm the name when baby's gender is confirm and check wif hubby :D