im super shag today but cant sleep! yesterday's day time, baby darius is very guai. eat sleep eat sleep. even if he don't sleep, he also don't disturb me like previously. the day before he was more cranky maybe because i haf to stop his nipple feed. and hence he doesn get the comfort that he needs to via sucking ont he nipple and he kept fussing and cryng. but yesterday is better alreayd. onli in the earli morning he fuss for awhile, noon time was still okie. but terror start at 9pm. he suddenly didnt wan to sleep after tat. carry also cannt, and he jus finish his milk abt 1 hr ago, he wan more milk. so i made another 30ml for him. still not enuff! made another 50ml. still make the sucking motion. lookin for breast. not sure he's lookin for comfort or realli lookin for milk bcos the wae he's lookin is no longer that urgent animore. so tried gifing my fingers. he took it but start wailing soon. my fingers can onli keep him in for a lil while everi single time i gif it to him.

after more den 2hrs of fighting wif him, i finally surrender and gaf him a pacificer. and he took it, happily sucking and kept quiet. so he's lookin for comfort. but even wif that pacificer, his eyes is still big! and no matter hw i pat him, rock him, he jus wun sleep. and later on he spit out the pacificer and cry again. sigh. around 1am he cried and refused the pacificer. try to make milk for him. 30ml, not enuff again! so i kept making milk. finally at 2am he fall asleep. but it's not the end for me. im supposed to pump bcos im too engorged. but he kept fussing and i cant pump. so when he finally fall asleep i still haf to go and pump. ended up sleeping at 3am and i est his next feed to b around 4am or so. set alarm bcos i didnt wan him to wake up wailing for milk.

alarm rang at 3.30am and i went to heat up the water bcos my hse dun haf thermal flask. walk around and around, he still didnt wake up. decide to go back rest abit. 4.30am. still not awake. everi single time he move, i will go and look at him. and he finally wake up at 5.45am for milk. which means, how much haf i sleep? 1-2hrs lor. shag. his feeding time is super unfix. not sure why. previously when it's on BM, feedin time is between 2.5hrs-3hrs. but nw his feeding time can b anitime between 2hrs-4hrs. hard for me to guage and rest. now waitin for him to wake up while im gonna haf my late lunch bcos jus nw fall asleep. zzzZz.

next week out via public transport. wish me luck!