Yesterday after I reach home, nearly got a big big shock. Because Jac gave me $104 to help her buy contact lens from yuanmei. When I reach home I suddenly remember about the contact lens and started to look for that $104 that was being given to me. Cannot find! Check my pockets, the whole bag but just couldn’t find anything. Can’t recall back where I put the money because I was kinda worried & mind thinking of something else the whole. Very districted plus I am very tired. In fact I think the performance for work that day sucks too. I can’t get anything into my head. I can either only get the head, only only the tail and many times I ask the caller to repeat themselves.

Why I am so tired is because I only manage to sleep at 1am, after preparing the milk, pumping milk, transfer of milk, storage of milk, washing & sterilizing. It’s already 1am+! And if it’s not late enough, baby darius wakes up around 430am. I thought that he might be hungry and wanna drink milk. Who knows after sucking for sometime, he started to cry. And no matter how I pat him he doesn’t wanna stop crying. I tried to latch him on again, but his mouth is close, which means, he doesn’t want it. So I carried him walk around and pat him till he fall asleep. That’s about 5am. And I woke up late at 7.10am when I am supposed to go out at that timing. Change and rush to work & thou my eyes is open, but my mind is shutting off. Even when aunty zhu SMS me, I can’t even get it right into my brain >.< I told her I can’t digest what she told me. Haha!

Until my sister SMS me saying that my maid is sleeping on my bed & holding to something that looks like hp and when I called home no answer! Super angry and worried. Because if she already can do stuff like that, what if she ignore baby darius? And worst thing is, this morning my brother text me saying that before he went to school, he saw that my room door is closed. So he knock, but there’s no response + it’s lock. So by then I am super alert because worried & angry is all that filled me. BUT I can do nothing so I tried to clam myself down & also I took my time to go home. Because I don’t wish to scold the maid, as I still need to entrust baby darius to her and what if she’s not happy & then do something to baby darius?

Anyway, I didn’t say anything yesterday. But I went to look for her hp. She brought along her hp from philipine. But then I never thought she would use it because the sim card is from philipine also. I can’t find her hp at the usual place. So when she went to sleep at night, I search her ‘desk’ in the kitchen and found the phone. Check the dial call, she actually tried calling the HELLO card. The card which I bought for her to call home. Super disappointed because I have never not allow her to call home. I told her 1 week she can call home 2 times, but the truth is, I never even bother to keep track actually. And sometimes when my prepard card have enough funds for her to call home, because have the free overseas call credit, I would let her use it also else I don’t know how much HELLO card she would have used now instead of just 2 cards.

This morning before going to work I ask her to surrender her hp. I didn’t tell her that I know she slept. But I told her that she is not supposed to sleep in the day time. And that if she is free, find things to do. Like cleaning the glass cabinet, windows etc. She show me a black face. I didn’t even scold her! And I am the employer, I didn’t even wake her up at night when baby darius cry to coax him, I am the one who is super deprive of sleep. And she, who sleep between 9pm-10pm, wakes up at 6.30am, still naps in the day?! I slept practically only 4-5hrs a day. Even weekends.

Suddenly I feel so tired. Tired of everything in my life. I need a break man! But like what aunty zhu say, I wait lor. Wait 20yrs till baby darius grow up >.<