12 november 2009













10 november 2009









9 november 2009





7 november 2009













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most recent letter from johnny. saeing that he feel that i should try to build up the relationship wif his family before we ROM and apply for flat. 1st thing is, bull shit lar. althou thru the whole letter, he did sae tat he know hw i feel. tat it's not his mum fault. tat it's jus not his mum to make the first move to talk to someone she USED TO HATE.

summarise of wad i told him is, start of as friend again. and asking him to gimmie money every month since if he dun gimmie money, he would be spending it on his 2A license and getting a bike for himself wif wadever extra money he haf. and that it is his problem for the mother thingy, never mine. firstly, i never even wan her to apologise. i haf stated it veri clearly and said it before, all i ask for is a word of concern, which from the day im pregnant till i gif birth, till nw when darius is alreadi 4 months old, not even asking anything! and u still fcuking wan me to gif in? pls lar, it's not my problem. and im not snatching him awae from his mum. i haf told him veri clearly that he can still go back to his house for dinner for special occassion and all. JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO GO BACK WITH HIM. all he think of is his mum his mum his mum. that i should make the first move just because it is just NOT SO HER to make the first move? fcuk it. i dun need them anyway.

ive been all alone from the day i know im pregnant, till i deliver and nw, darius is already 4 months old. if, in the future, i do meet a better guy who loves darius more then loving me. treat darius like his own son and willing to accept both of us. i will definitely be happy. but, love is not something that u can rely on, not something you can predict when it will come. if it's urs, it will be urs, it will come eventually. or mayb, i jus wun meet my mr right till the day i die.

i didnt sae that i may not b tog wif johnny again. but i see veri lil' chance since even simple stuff we also cannot agree nor, does he really understand my feelings. if i haf the chance to bond wif his mum, i would rather spend it on darius. and, if im in the wrong in the first place, i would definitely choose to apologise, and set a gd example to darius rather then like her.

he wanted me to treat the family well, to understand, to make myself look like a lowly maid to them. but sorriew, without all of u, i wun die. ive been alone all this well and im doing good so far. life may be tough because of money. but ive gone this far, i can go even further and do even better. but 1 thing i would like to let him know is, none of his family was there for me when my mum pass away. not even him.