time is passing by very fast! next wednesday and baby darius is already 4 months old. and in december when we have our company chalet, he is going to be 5 months old. by then he should be very active & always smiling at people like how use to now. he seems to be learning how to flip. have not place him on his tummy for a very long time because he always scream when i do that. plus have to catch the correct timing. and today i place him on his tummy, he smiled at me. after about a min, then he started to scream. haha! so cute of him.
he sleeps very early nowadays too. he will sleep around 7.30pm everyday. and he have to be latch to sleep, else he will cry and cry. it's a good and bad thing isn't it? bad because it's a bad habit. good because, at least it shows that he wants me, HIS MUMMY!
i used to be very jealous and upset whenever i carry baby darius and he cries but when the maid takes over, he stop. but i'm already over at the jealous stage. because i know, no point being upset. i have to do my bit to make him know i'm mummy and that he should want me more then anything. i even ask aunty zhu the other time. why am i breastfeeding but it doesn't seems to help. well, like all magazines and books says, bond doesn come immediately after the child is born.
i receive his letter today. no longer like previously, always looking out for his letter. but, everytime i read his letter, i feel like giving him. feel like telling him, i still wanna b wif you. but i can't. i haf to keep holding myself back. it's not because of me. but because of baby darius. i bring him into this world to give him the best i can. and not to bring him into this world and suffer with me. i don't know how much longer i can be strong. sometimes im so tired. all i wish for is that i haf someone out there for me to lean on, to hug me to sleep. it's very pathetic when u are feeling upset but yet when u wanna cry, u can't find tears.
and fcuking hell. my milk supply drop again! nw it's back to the usual 100-160ml. and funniest ting is that my supply increase as i become more awake. the 1st pump in the morning is abt 100ml usually and noon abt 120ml-130ml and the 3rd pump would be abt 150ml-160ml. funni right? and im still taking my fenugreek but doesn seems to work. i jus bought another 200 caps of fenugreek. if still after finish all that don't help, im gonna try goat rue. it's very exp! but what choice do i haf. i wanna breastfeed till 6 months!
have decided, will breastfeed till abt 6 months. and by then if my supply is dropping, i wun bother to do aniting to make it up. but of course if i still haf the supply, i will continue breastfeed. till the last that i haf and i will most probably go for my wisdom tooth surgery. and im super upset bcos my birthday next yr falls on the CNY eve! if not enuff, i still have to work! BOOOOOOOOO! no more birthday ok? let me remain at 21 :D