the pics above veri cute right. whenever i see big sun, i will try to shade darius using the shed, but he refuse to b in the shed and insist to sit upright and i always see his head popping out. sibei cute.

scroll thru my blog last night and found out that darius HC is actualli 36cm at birth. cant help but feel shock bcos all along i thought it's 35cm. 1cm doesn seems to haf a diff but it actualli is. usually average HC is abt 32cm? and when i thought it's 35cm, i alreadi thinking wad if i cannt push darius out. at 36cm im wondering hw i push him out?! pls go and take a ruler an measure 36cm, divide by 2 to get the diameter and imagine hw u push out this big head. OMG.

i haf been trying to gif darius more food in order for him to gain more weight. nw he's abit heavy for me to carry alreadi. especially when he struggle, it is hell. and he loves to step on people's tummy and stand straight, he think it's fun bcos he's taller then everibodi? hahhaa. it's supr funni lar. todae darius did not struggle for his naps and sleep time. i hope it will b so smooth everidae and then 1 dae he jus can fall asleep on his own alreadi!

i love to use the sarong sling. when darius was born, i use it for craddle, bcos newborn doesn realli struggle and they are small enuff to b there. after awhile he's too big and also hates to b in there so i stop using the sling. later part when his neck stable and i can carry him wif support of my hip, i tried using the sling, but he hates it and struggle everitime and he will look as if he's slipping off from the sling so i gaf up. the other dae after the mummies' gathering, after seeing hw meiyan uses her sling, i tried on darius again and it's wonderful! nw i go to places where i can onli get via bus using the sling. i go to lot1 using the sling. i go downstairs to buy breakfast using the sling. see hw wonderful it is! no more bulky pram!

i receive the letter from johnny few daes ago and he said that he feel that im slipping awae, that he no longer know wad i wan and that we're drifting apart, can no longer communicate. veri true. bcos i realised i no longer communicate wif him. i jus plainly tell him wad i wan thats all. everi single time when i write to him and if the topic is abt us, i will get very carried awae and usually end up bring veri harsh. i haf no idea why but everi single time i jus cant claim down and write nicely and sort things out. so 1 dae i wrote a 4 page long letter (type lar actualli) and told him everithing clamly. but at the point when he write the letter to me, i guess he have yet to receive that letter. i feel guilty when he sae abt that. but later on he sae something like, he wun blame me should his family dun wan him bcos he choose us and it's bcos darius is more impt. and that he should blame himself for not listening to his mother. im like WTF?! so nw he's telling mi that he should listen to his mum?

im also a mother myself leh. if next time darius get a wife or gf that i dun like, i can onli tell him why i dun like and try to advise him. but if he choose to b wif her still, i cannt do aniting bcos even thou i gif birth to him, it's his life. he is responsible for his own choice, i can onli guide him. aniwae, his mum haf no valid reason to dislike/hate me as well. she jus simply dun like me, full stop. i was thinkin of not visiting him, not writing to him animore in the future. but on 2nd thoughts, im jus being too harsh. mayb he doesn realli mean it that way, it's a miscommunicate. write to him and see hw it goes. sigh.

i will send out the invitation to relatives and fren abt 1.5months to 2 months before darius birthdae and a reminder 2 weeks before his birthdae. i kiasu abit bcos i dun like last min arrangement. hahahhaa.

as a reward for breastfeeding darius SOOOO long, i decide that i will go for a night outing once i stop breastfeeding. 1 crazy night on the first weekend i stop breastfeeding and i haf no idea when it will come. LOL.